Deanna Troi Has a Very Bad Day

by Robin E. Cook (recook77@ix.netcom.com)   18 August 1996

Deanna Troi is in a foul mood. If her fellow officers on the star ship Enterprise could read her emotions the way that she can read theirs, they would know this. But they don't. Instead, they keep expecting her to be the gentle, nurturing, reassuring soul that they all know and love.

Hi, Counselor My pet goldfish Trill just died and ...

WHACK! Deanna gives the offending ensign a knuckle sandwich.

Counselor, I'm trying to find myself. Could you help me?

POW! Deanna administers a kick to the groin.

Counselor, I have the sudden urge to commit Klingon ritual suicide and ...

You want ritual suicide? Deanna snarls. I'll give you ritual suicide. Hi-YAAAAHHH!!!

Enter Wesley Crusher.

Wesley is depressed. Counselor Troi has stopped wearing those brightly colored, skin-tight body suits on the bridge. What's worse, they have patched up that hole in the wall between his quarters and hers.

Hi, Counselor, Wesley says.

Grrrrrrr, Deanna replies.

Counselor, I'm wondering if you could help me. I'm having a lot of trouble adjusting to life on this ship. I don't think that the Captain likes me. I don't think Data likes me. And I can't find any girls on this ship ... unless you count Molly O'Brien. Just the other day, I heard some ensigns mumbling about nepotism. It's really rough being a boy wonder on this ship. Could you help me, Counselor?

Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh!!!!! Deanna grabs Wesley, flings him over her shoulder, stomps on him, and throws him down a turbo lift chute.

Geordi La Forge is in Engineering, minding his own business and whistling to himself when he hears a crash. Out stumbles Wesley, drumming his lips with his fingers.

Lemme introduce myself. My name is mud, the boy wonder says, before he falls on his face.

Oh geez, La forge sighs. I just fixed the turbo lift last week. Who did the kid tick off this time?

Deanna's Bad Day Gets Worse

Demoted? I have been demoted? Who made this decision?

Riker took a deep breath. Deanna sweetie, I discussed this decision with the captain. We both feel that you aren't doing enough on this ship.

That is not true, Will! I'm the counselor on this ship, remember? Deanna looked into Will Riker's eyes, her own eyes filling with tears like Betazoid mud puddles. Do you know how it feels, Will? Do you know how it feels to be surrounded by feelings of hopelessness and despair?

Sure I do, Deanna. Our helmsman is a 14-year-old and our second officer is an android who keeps getting computer viruses. If anything happens to Picard or me, this ship is a goner. That isn't the issue here. The issue is that Captain Picard and I have decided to put you in a position where you could be more useful.

And that is?

You'll be a ship yeoman.

What the hell is a yeoman?

Someone who provides the captain with basic secretarial support. You know, making coffee, handing out memos, things like that.

What??? I did not go to Starfleet Academy for four years to make coffee.

Now now, Deanna, don't get mad ...

Who's getting mad? Deanna snarls, drawing her phaser. I'm getting even!

Geez, who gave this woman a therapist's license? Riker thinks as a phaser beam knocks him unconscious.