This page last updated 27 May 2000

Peace Restored

by Seth R. Meyer (smeyer@topaz.rutgers.edu)
28 October 1987

Picard:

Captain's log, supple ...

Troi:

Pain! Oh the pain!!

Picard:

... mental. Troi has been yelling too long now. After 18 episodes she has not changed. Neither has that obnoxious kid Wesley. We were on route to Starbase ten (or was it one?) but instead, I've ordered Geordi to bring us around the sun and try the slingshot effect, to bring us back in time. My purpose: To finally rid ourselves of Troi and the kid.

Wesley:

(Floating over Picard and tickling his bald head with a feather) Up here baldy!

Picard:

Wes! How many times must you be told to stay off the bridge!!

Wesley:

But I am technically not "on" the bridge! I invented this device which I like to call the Wesley Lifter, which makes me capable of levitating over the bridge. How's the air down there Pic?

Worf:

Captain, permission to fry his brains with a disrupter?

Picard:

Easy Worf, he'll get his soon enough.

Yar:

Saucer separation complete, sir.

Picard:

I thought I had asked Data to do that.

Yar:

Well, Data is kind of tired after last night's ... err ... activities.

Wes:

(To Picard) Hey, speaking of which, have you done my mom yet? She really wants you badly! Though I really don't see what she sees in you. Bald and all. I could invent a pill which would cure your baldness.

Picard:

Engage stardrive warp engines. Manoeuvre: slingshot 48.

Geordi:

Engaged.

Troi:

The pain!!

 

Aboard a familiar Constitution Class Enterprise.

Spock:

I am picking up an energy boost from the Kappa-Sol region, Captain.

BWOOOOSHHHH

Kirk:

On viewer. (After studying it for a few seconds) It looks like a duck. Analysis Mr. Spock.

Spock:

Well, Captain, it is a Federation vessel, USS Enterprise, NCC 1701-D. Approximately five times our size. However, we have no record of it ever being constructed.

Kirk:

My god! But where is the bridge?

McCoy:

(Entering bridge through turbolift) Dammit Jim, I'm a (suddenly noticing view screen) what's that?

Spock:

If they do have a saucer section, they could well be eight times our size.

Kirk:

Open hailing frequencies. (Uhura does and nods to Kirk) This is Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. Identify yourselves.

Picard:

(Speaking as he appears on the viewscreen) This is Federation Galaxy Starship Enterprise, Captain Jean-Luc Picard. We need your help.

Kirk:

How may we help?

Picard:

We first have a couple of people we'd like you to keep ... er ... I mean meet.

Kirk:

Sure, we will prepare to beam them (a flash of light as Troi and Wes materialise on the bridge) aboard!?

Troi:

Oh! The pain!!

McCoy:

(Aside to Troi) I don't blame you! I don't like my molecules scrambled either!

Chekov:

Captain! The other wessel has just warped out of our galaxy at maximum speed!

Wes:

(Looking about the bridge) Oh how primitive!

Troi:

Ohhhhh!

McCoy:

That really does sound bad. Hmmm ... (Nurse Chapel enters bridge through the turbolift doors) Nurse Chapel will escort you to sickbay.

Troi:

Mom!!!!

Kirk:

Mom?

McCoy:

Mom?

Chapel:

Mom!?

Everyone else on bridge replies in shock, "Mom?"

McCoy:

(Aside to Nurse Chapel) Ya better strap her down.

Riker:

I kinda feel bad about tricking Wes and especially Troi that way. She may of been annoying, but she was great in bed.

Data:

I agree.

Yar:

Data!!

Data:

No, no. I ... I mean I agree that it was bad to trick Troi and Wesley like that.

Picard:

I know you might feel bad now, but it had to be done. Its okay now though. Things are already starting to look up. Ahead warp one to starbase ... er ... one. (... or was it starbase 10??) If you need me, Bev and I are celebrating tonight in her quarters.