Ask Mr. Data

by M Utlagh 10 September 1996

Disclaimer: Janeway, Data, and Star Trek all belong to Paramount. Dr. Beckett is the possession of Universal Television and Bellisarius Productions. They're all here for some non-profit fun and fair comment. The other words and ideas are mine. If you post or forward this, please keep this disclaimer with the work.
My first attempt, and a very small confection; I hope you enjoy it. I welcome comment and critique, but keep my ancestors out of it.
M. Utlagh copyright 1996

An excerpt from "Ask Mr. Data," occasional column of advice and information appearing in Starfleet Academy 's student-run online news service.

Mr. Data, when the plasma storm destroyed Captain Janeway's bug traps and research equipment in Resolutions, why didn't she just replicate some new stuff?

... A Child of the Twenty-Fourth Century

Dear Child:

Captain Janeway's inability to replicate new research equipment is the result of a common space/time anomaly often occurring in the Star Trek universe, officially called a voidus anamnesis, but more often referred to by its more common, but inaccurate appellation, a "plot hole." When a character is trapped in the voidus anamnesis, it often results in "swiss-cheese" thought processes (cf. Beckett, Dr. S., "Quantum Theory and the Grand Jet of Time," forthcoming, date uncertain) which temporarily destroy the affected character's ability to recall any and all common sense application of the various Treknologies to the problem at hand; certain severe voidus anamnesis may also induce bizarre character or personality changes for periods of up to 48 minutes. (See, e.g., "Basics I and II," "Persistence of Vision," "Threshold," Star Trek: Voyager.)* Identification of these anomalies, especially by amateur* observers, is often disparaged by professionals responsible for identifying and eliminating the anomalies before the character encounters them. (See Piller, M. and Taylor, J. "Enforced Discounting of Nits Through 'Getalife' Therapy.")

Such disparagement has not served to eliminate the amateur observations (See "rec.arts.startrek." hierarchies, "alt.startrek" hierarchies, and "star trek message boards," various online services) and occasionally, fervid amateur observers will attempt to communicate the danger threatening a particular character to the responsible professionals through a variety of methods, including the antique art of using an ink-filled stylus and paper to record their observations. Such rescue efforts do not often succeed, however; as a result, more cunning amateurs will mount and effect a rescue of a character from the voidus amamnesis alone, without the assistance of said professionals. (See alt.startrek.creative and related hierarchies, various online services, as well as the publications known as "zines.")

The failure of professionals to correctly identify and remove the voidus anamnesis in the path of a Star Trek character can often result in professional malpractice (See supra, "Basics I & II," "Threshold," "Persistence of Vision," and rumored draft, "Q and Gray."). At the present moment, no means exist that allow the affected characters to hold these negligent professionals responsible for the harm caused by their carelessness; only amateur observers, emulating the efforts of those who have gone before them, can effect a rescue by the means outlined above.

Yours,
Commander Data

Notes:

* I use the log tapes from the starship Voyager solely for representational purposes, since your question arose in that context; however, I personally, can recount how many voidus amamnesis affected myself and other crewmembers of the Enterprise during my tenure as Second Officer under Captain Picard.

* The term, "amateur," is used here in its fullest sense of "one who engages in a pastime for love".