Dr. Crusher's exit

by Jeff Trim 5 May 1989

After the terrible loss of Denise Crosby, it was announced that Dr. Crusher was going to leave the show!! At this time we had no idea how she would be killed off, which was a robbery in it'self because we NEVER got to see her leave. So I wrote this script showing the crew of TNG returning to AMUSES planet to let ARMUS have 1 last victim.

Captains Log: Stardate 23323.22. By order of the Vice Admiral of Star Fleet, Gene Roddenbury, we are in route to Armuses's planet to rid ourselves of another cast member ... er ... crew member. This order from Star Fleet troubles me, but I dare not defy a direct order from Star Fleet Command.

Data:

Captain we have entered orbit around ... Skin of Evil.

Picard:

Excellent! Riker assemble a landing party of Worf, Geordi, Data Troi ... and ... uh ... let me see here who else should go along on this trip??? Hummm ...

Gene:

(From behind the Sound Stage) Dr. CRUSHER you bone head!!

Picard:

Er ... ah yes, Dr. Crusher.

Riker:

Right away Captain! (Gives typical GLEEFUL Riker smile here)

And so they beam down.

Riker:

Be careful, remember the moving Oil Slick we encountered down here before.

Data:

Captain Riker, I am picking up strange life readings.

Worf:

Captain, if I may add, it was a mistake for us to beam back down here again. Why did we risk coming here?

Troi:

True Captain, I FEEELLL anger, frustration, revenge, yogurt, granola, whole wheat ...

Riker:

ENOUGH TROI!!! Say uh ... Dr. Crusher why don't you scout ahead of us a little bit. Tell us what you find.

Worf:

(Whispers to Data) Say Data, at least we know who's getting it in this episode!!

Data:

(Whispers back) Shhhhhh - you don't want to get Gene sore at US too do you??? Remember what happened to Yar.

Suddenly - the Moving Oil Slick appears - Armus!

Troi:

Oh no, oh please ... oh God. No, this is horrible. Evil, Evil, Evil ...

Crusher:

Hay, CUT, CUT, CUT. Gene can I talk to you for a sec?

Gene:

(Appearing from behind the sound stage) Yes, what can I do for you Miss MacFadden?

Crusher:

Well it just seems silly for me to get wiped out by Armus again. Can't you come up with an original death for me?

Gene:

Well due to the writers strike ...

Crusher:

GENE!! This is ridiculous. I was hoping you were going to grant me a decent death - long and agonizing, maybe even include a scene where I give up my life to save a fellow cast member. Besides who wants to listen to Troi scream and moan while Armus teases her again??

Gene:

I'm sorry Miss MacFadden but you'll just have to ride this out as best you can. Okay everybody let's pick it up with "Oh no please ... oh God. No this is horrible ... etc."

Script Writer Bob:

ACTION!!

Armus:

SO! You've come again! Now I'm going to kill each of you one by one.

Troi:

NOOO. Oh God no ... please ...

Armus:

We'll begin with ... uh ...

Gene:

(From behind the Sound Stage) Dr. CRUSHER!! Come on people, get with it!

Armus:

Ah yes, Dr. Crusher ...

Troi:

Oh pain, oh agony, oh suffering ...

Armus:

YYYEESSSS, it frightens you doesn't it?

Troi:

Noooo ... Oh please stop it ... stop it ...

Armus:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Troi:

Oh God, No ... oh stop ... oh frustration ... oh Granola ...

Gene:

CUT - Okay, okay I see what you mean, this is a pretty bad scene. Let's make it a little more interesting. Bob - "Beam Down" the dweeb ... er ... Wesley.

Bob:

Okay ... ACTION!!

Wesley beams down.

Crusher:

(To Armus) You will never get away with this!!

Armus:

Ah, but YOU are a co-star while I am only an extra. You wanted a fair salary, more lines, a real piece of the show, but now you'll never get it. Welcome to Hollywood, DR. CRUSHER!!!!

A bright beam flares from the glowing Oil Slick and pushes Dr. Crusher 50 feet into the air.

Wesley:

Mom!

Troi:

Pain, Great Pain ...

All rush to Dr. Crushers fallen body.

Wesley:

Mom! Oh mom ... sob ...

Crusher:

(Sounding weak) ... Wesley? ...

Wesley:

Yeah mom? ... sob ...

Crusher:

... shut up ... oh ... and ... Gene? ...

Gene:

(From behind the Sound Stage) I'm here Dr. Crusher

Crusher:

... I'll be back!

Gene:

Only in reruns.

Crusher:

Don't count on it, I won't die as peacefully as Yar did. This may be the second main character that you've managed to kill off in 1 1/4 seasons - but pretty soon you're going to run out of "kill-able" characters. Heck Gene, you haven't even found a REAL chief engineer yet!

Gene:

Yes, and NOW we haven't found a DOCTOR yet either! Bring in the Doctor of the week!

Enter McCoy.

McCoy:

What the devils going on here. I'm a doctor not a drama critic.

Crusher:

Oh yeah! Just once I'd like to see the doctor DIE while trying to save the ship from YET ANOTHER strange and un-encountered virus!!

Gene:

That's good Gates ... please pick your check up at the door.

Wesley:

Gee golly Mr. Roddenbury I guess both my parents are dead now ... sob ...

Gene:

There, there Wesley, we'll work something out. After all Picard DID bring your Dad home dead - so now we can tell the "non-union" script writers to give you more lines like, "If I were a grown up you'd listen to me!" and "Look at me, both my parents are dead, don't you feel sorry for me?" Think of the possibilities that have opened up for your character!

Wesley:

Gee, I never thought of that Mr. Roddenbury, you sure are swell!

Gene:

That's Hollywood son, now you run along and play with the Transporter while Uncle Roddenbury finishes the script.

Wesley:

Okay. weeeeee ...

Gene:

Okay now that Gates MacFadden is out of the way - let's pick it up where we left off ...

Script Writer Bob:

ACTION!!

Armus:

YYYEEESSS, she's dead!! I've killed her! hahahahahaha

Troi:

Oh God no ... please ... stop the hurting ... stop it ... stop it ...

And you know the rest.